Posted on September 26, 2011 - by

Remain Seated

After the success of Fish and Chips Twice, we wanted to experiment more with short theatre scripts. Writing for a 15 minute running time has many of the challenges of the short story – it’s a sparse format, often performed on a bare stage, and really focuses your attention on the power and energy of every single word of dialogue.

This it taken from the final draft of the script.

Remain Seated

Keen & Pandini | 2010

[…]

JUDITH:
Oh there’s no need to apologies to me. I’ve actually heard swear words before you know, dear.

BRIAN:
Still, don’t want to cause offence, do I? End up like Mike. He used to drive the Three Day Mystery of Loch Ness Mini Tour.

JUDITH:
Did he offend the monster?

BRIAN:
Nah. Worse. Patchy. Mr Peters. Comes with us ever year, does Patchy. God, he’s hard work. Questions, questions, questions. I had him on Wordsworth’s Lakes. I mean, do I look like I know whether they are the same friggin variety of daffodils as in Wordsworth’s time? No I bleeding don’t. Still. Mike was way out of line.

JUDITH:
Patchy?

BRIAN:
Yeah. I mean, God knows it must be tough for you older folks. Body giving up and all that. But believe me, there are some places that you just can’t make a toilet stop every five minutes. I mean, take the A303. Wonders of Wiltshire. Stonehenge and all that shit. Sorry. Stuff. Bloody miles before you can let them out.

JUDITH:
So, Mr Peters has bladder control issues?

BRIAN:
I should say. Which combined with Mike’s self-control issues proved to be unfortunate. Patchy’s giving him the third degree about Awld Nessie there – how many sightings? What time of day? Were they all by Americans? – that kind of thing and Mike’s just had enough and tells him.. Well he tells him to piss off doesn’t he? And Patchy’s so offended that he does. If you catch my meaning.

JUDITH:
I do.

[…]

0 Comments

We'd love to hear yours!

Comments are closed.